Here lies Volume I. It spans from 03/31/2024 to 09/03/2024. Enjoy touring the Monkey House!

09/03/2024

The Pyrrhic Rebirth of a Phoenix

Souls evolve like Matryoshka Dolls in reverse

A soft shell hardens

painted with the experiences and stories of the day-

Encapsulating Yesterday

Some layers thin, others thick with life-

all etched, whether blemished or beautiful

As the silhouette grows

the core identity follows suit-

Creating an expanding sense of self.

The Universe will try to unnestle existence

But the gravity of the Soul,

condensed down like a neutron star,

creates

AN UNWAVERING BEAM OF LIGHT

09/02/2024

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Three paths etched in the sand before me

call my name

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The Bad sees the world

for what it is

Imperfect

and twists that evil to its will

The Ugly accepts the cruelty

but does nothing to fight against it

Blending into the contorted landscape

The Good recognizes the ways of the

Bad and Ugly

Scorns the Bad and Pities the Ugly

For the Good knows what the world could be

That the world could be whole again

09/01/2024

An annual exchange of letters

Opening a card from an old friend

brings nothing but undying joy

Jokes and personal notes lace the smart ass pieces of Hallmark

Creating a written testament to your amicable love

So I await one each year

as it is a gift worth more than gold

The only good part of getting old

08/31/2024

How high does a wall have to be to be considered a tower?

Walls mightier than Jerico rise fast

before the preconceived notion

can be tested against reality

Like the quills of a puffer they deter and protect

And deny. Deny future harm but also the truth

et tu brute or just a momentary lapse

We will never know unless you can find the harmony

to tear down the wall

Despite my efforts to scale it

I have never seen the top

P.S. Feeling a long one today so get ready. I had a 3 hour car ride and alot of time to think alone so I will try to get down as many of the thoughts I had as I can remember. A wave of sorrow covercame me sparked by the finding out of my non-invitation to an event of someone who I considered a friend. A close friend at that. I have know this person for 3 solid years and I am sure if they read this they will feel differnly from what I am saying but this is my website so touche. Basically I feel as though this person who I have spend considerable amount of time with and effort with to stay connected dispite time and distance has not made an effort to extend the favor back to me. I don't really get my rocks off walking down one way roads. For every call to I would only recive a retured call maybe 1 in 3 times. Which hurts you know. But I tell myself, They're busy and move on. When they return to my proximity we seldom spend time together. But I tell myself, They are busy and I am busy and move on. But, still, part of me feels asthough I have fallen off of the list of souls my dear friend cares about because I was not asked if I was free and for the occasion I would have made myself aviable reguardless. And I can't help but believe that this person knows this, yet still I did not know until it was over. This is honestly pretty deeply upsetting. I have time and time again invested my time and my care on a one way slip and slide and now I have a mouth full of dirt and grass. I ask myself, what reasons would I be excluded? A short list of invitees? I sure thought I was on the short list and the event was in a public space so I would have incurred no additional cost. Was I forgotten? Well this one stings for obvious reasons. Was I excluded because other people there do not enjoy my company? Perhaps but I recon my personal relationship with my friend would supercede that inconvenience. And regardless I do not let others get in the way of my own good time, and that of those around me. I know how to fake a smile. Or perhaps an honest mistake? Time will tell. This is about all I have to say about this manner. But let it be known that it cuts like a knife.
Now to topic two. Recently I was on a bike ride in Raleigh where I found myself talking to my newly wed cycling friend. I found myself talking a lot. About myself and how I felt in the world as a graduate student and all of the responsibilities that I have undertaken. The conversation turned into a phone call and voice message I had received from my Father a day earlier. I got the call when I was taking with my Graduate Advisor and the Head of the MobL at NC State. We were discussing the project work that I will be spinning up on this semester and working on like a dog next semester. It is a project that will help increase understanding of Brachial Plexus Birth Injuries. I will be working on getting OpenSim and FEBio to talk to each other to create an irritative bone growth and tissue modeling simulation using FEBio for FEA and OpenSim for musculoskeletal modeling. But who cares. Which is exactly what I found myself saying to my friend when I started to talk about my non-superficial self. You know the man behind the mask type jazz. I found myself it that old pattern of my that I have tried so hard to shake. My persistent belief that no one gives a shit about me. So I stopped myself, she told me that she was interested in hearing what I had to say. So I continued, but I didn't believe that she did. Nor do I belive you care dear reader, unless you are my Mother who has assured me time and time again that she does, but she is my mother and feels obligated to care.

Obligation is funny. My father probably thinks I am obligated to be part of his life just cause he provided half of my DNA but being an alcoholic, pill junkie, bum who kicked me out of the house and his will doesn't inspire me to talk to him. Suprizing ain't it. He told me that he was going to spend the next year in an RV traveling the country and that he was proud of my BS and of my pursuit of my MS. Which is funny cause he was never the most supportive of education when I was growing up. He would have liked me to go to UNCC or something and not try to reach my highest potential. But I digress. Does he think that I need or even want his approval? After what he has done to me. Am I supposed to turn the other cheek? He's no Christian and I am a Jew so why should I act more devout than him? Only God knows. I think I have in all honestly treated him as fairly as I can by not engaging with him because I was always told that if I don't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say it at all. I see no utility in communicating with him so I don't and I am not a nice person. I am kind but I am not nice. I don't put other people before myself. I Love myself.

Quite a rant eh? Could have thrown in some self-loathing about how I think I am an intellectually dim and who thinks one will ever love me because I have built my walls so high that I never give anyone a chance to try. But we can save that for another time. Goodnight blue world. I will see you when the Sun comes up tomorrow.

08/30/2024

Backpack of Life

It may rain, it may storm

The world could be on fire

And I would still walk though the valley of death

with an eye of determination

Because I know

These trials and this aching weight

will subside

And when I shed the load

I will be able to stand taller

and sturdier than I have ever before

And when the next planet to shoulder

collides with my orbit

I will know that nothing can stop me

So tonight we fight

08/29/2024

Life of a Camel

All my life I have shouldered as much weight

as I could carry

and I continued to add more

Sometime I add so much

I can feel the mallow

between my vertebrae

squeeze out

But I still march

I have never not been able to move forward

But sometimes I wonder what would happen

if I added that last straw-

08/28/2024

Every Dog has its Tail

I spend most of my time

chasing things I already have

Like a dog chasing it's tail

I search for peace in the world around me,

but I can bring my own

I wait for someone to do something with

What am I? A dog?

I can talk myself on a walk

I have enough love for myself to sustain me

Before you go grocery shopping

open up the fridge and see what you can already cook

08/27/2024

Cash or Credit

There are many currencies in this world

Gold, Silver, Oil, Peso, Dollar, Yen

Which all represent different amounts of

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

So, I ask

Is the wealthiest man

that with the most money

or-

that can

Bleed the most

Sweat the most

Cry the most...

P.S. Came in the money the first time at Trivia at Flying Saucer with my two Econ PhD friends. All Hail King Pretzel

P.P.S. For you few daily readers. Sorry for the gap in uploads. I was still writing them daily. Just got busy and didn't want to go on my computer. Hope you enjoy this update :)

08/26/2024

Product Innovation Lab

There we sat

Huddled around the table

with a vague idea of what to do

We know the what

We can do the how

The time is when and that time is now

and we are all here anyways

Call and response of our

differnt songbird cries

all blend togehter

to create

a symphony of innovation

We have all done the thinking

now the only thing to do

is do

P.S. I'm super excited to work on this Smart Prosthetic Device and I think my team is great!

08/25/2024

Song of the Sea

Everyone has written a song about the sea

We have all seen the waves

and played in the sand

Put our ears into a shell

and listened to crustation orchestras

Dug our feet into the sand

and felt the vibration of children

toppling a once grand sand castle

We all know the song of the sea

Yet, we choose to write our own

P.S. I don't rate this poem

08/24/2024

Siren Song

Listen to my waves crash

upon your serine beaches

Look into my cacophony and see

how few people

dare to enter my wrestful waters

My waves tower tall and topple over their waning heads

Although,

some have surfed my heart aching outlashes

but all have fell into the depth and retreated-

Now set your gaze further

Notice the calm ocean behind

my blue eyes and troubled seas

I dare you to jump into my riptide

Join me on my wooden ship

Where I sail

easy and free

just like its supposed to be

P.S. Me and my French Future Step Father know how to beach

08/23/2024

Night Rider

I got to hit the road so this will be quick

Ever wonder why Jack was Jumping over the candle stick?

For fun or others entertainment?

Never dance for others

Only to your own tune

P.S. Drove to Nags Head. Got there at 12:30AM ish. The darkness was immaculate. A shame I was barley consious enough to enjoy its solitude and grandness

08/22/2024

Steel Ball Run

The steel ball goes down the track

Bumping over smaller holes

like a coin sorter

Soon enough it finds

its mate

and falls

down

Into its groove

Allowing for the next largest ball

to roll atop it

ad infinitum

Such are the routines of life,

self-perpetuation

and everlasting

Until

08/21/2024

Fool's Fall

Fool's fall gives light to all

who love to frolic

without boiling like a frog

It welcomes you with a

light breeze and temperate skies

but soon stabs you in back

For tomorrow the temperature will soar

A season speed bump

08/20/2024

Space Oddity

When the tether was cut

I floated alone in the void

Distant planets cast shadows

on my pearlescent suit

humanity had gifted me

No one was near

No one could hear

I had achieved maximum solitude

Sarte world say I am finally free

But free of what

The freedom to do whatever, no consequences

or

The freedom to lose my mind

08/19/2024

Masters Program(Last FDOC)

It was the first of days

It was the last of days

of the longest stint of our lives

we sat in our assigned seats

listened to the lectures

wrote miles of paper

and now it comes to a heroic end

for some its a piece of paper

for me its a ticket to my dreams

We have learned to stand

Now it's time to RUN

This victory lap will sinter our souls

but it will burn BRIGHT

It is time to FIGHT

P.S. Me and my ginger giant had our first day of BME 551 and one of the project options was for a smart prosthetic device and we talked to the professor about our passionate interest. The professor saw the light in my eyes. We emailed the professor and WE GOT THE PROJECT. I FEEL LIKE A GOD! I am ecstatic. I am so happy. Not only do I get to work with one of my greatest and brightest friends, IT'S ON A PROSTHETIC DEVICE!!!!!!!!

08/18/2024

Welcome to the Monkey House

All the walks of my life collided

and it was beautiful

a social supernova

the aroma of the feast matched the atmosphere

of old friends becoming new to each other

It was as if a game of pool played in reverse

All the separate stories brought together by a cue

Thank you all for playing and

Welcome to the Monkey House

P.S. Conducted my first ever party at my own place. All but one showed up. It was a good time and I thank all for coming by.

08/17/2024

Plastic Beach

When the world is made of plastic

like mine

it is easy to melt it down

cast a new mold and start again

Gone are the ways of wood

that require whittling and labor 

to create a desired form

And of steel and iron that took

thought and heavy machinary to construct

No now we can create whatever we want

whenever we want

for next to free ninety-nine

Just don't let it sit out in the Sun

08/16/2024

Long Island Ice Tea

As I stare at the ice

of what once was a long island ice tea

I am filled with tremendous sorrow

for what was lost

My father, my sister, my lover

and for the illness of my mother

The melting ice provides no solice

as it transtitions from solid to liquid

Reminding me of what once was

I blow on the ice to cool it

but it only melts faster

I am hopeless

Why World? Why?

P.S. The last three poems were typed intoxicated. This poem was written and typed intoxicated. I think this one is pretty good eh? I used to be more of a melancholy drunk but I wasnt for a while but here I am again. I miss having a shoulder to cry on. Someone who cared. I guess I've got myself. I am strong. But I am alone. One day someone will recognize my beauty and I theirs. Together we will be happy but that day sadly isn't today. Wherever she may be I wish her well. Godspeed. Also I fear I have invited too many people to my housewarming party but cie la vie baby.

P.P.S. I am incredibly happy for my friend who is now the Senior Transportaion Planner for the Raleigh Transpotation Office. I am glad he is living his dream and I must admit I am a tad jealous of how his life is panning out but I know I too will reach such heights. I just have to wait and see.

08/15/2024

What I would have been

In the times of Kings and Queens

I would have been a serf

In the times of Pharaohs and Emperors

I would have been a slave

But now

In the time or democratization

I am an engineer

I am educated

I am independent

and

I am free

I pray the day never comes

But I wonder

what would I be

if it all came crashing

down

08/14/2024

Little Diddy

Mind race'n shoes lace'n

Start the race Shoot the gun

It's a blank now I run

Down the alley Through the gutter

Underground Marathon

What do I run from

In the swerers I see a big rat

I can see how it got fat

its gnawing on the runner before me

This is a sight that surly bores me

I grab a hambone and smack 'em akimbo

No rats going to stop me

The race just started and you think

you can smite me?

I may fumble

I may fall

But I am the fairest of them all

Like a punching clown I spring back

Back on track

I'm off the rails

Serenity now

08/13/2024

Wearing my words

Alone stands a man

wearing a suit made of layers of unfurled paper

facing the sky

The paper catches a breeze

Some loose leafs fly-

You catch one like a boy

hoping for good luck

Unfurling the papyrus

scrawlings of ink and tears

fill your perspective

The man now meets your gaze

You stare into his blue eyes

then, back at the paper

and realize they were once the same

What separates a man from his words?

Words last forever, but they never change

P.S. If you read this page it would be cooler if you read some of the poems not just the post scripts. But to each their own. I find it fascinating that these words that I have written then typed will be read by others. Whether they be friend, foe, or self. All of these people will be different from myself now as I write these words. I am not static. I am dynamic, always moving. Hopefully forward. But nonetheless it is interesting to learn what people glean from these words. Some have said a familiarity with the loneliness or with my amusing romantic failures. But I hope the main takeaway is Hope. I wouldn't be half of the man I am today without hope. I would not wake up each morning looking to improve. I hope you all look at the world around you and ask yourself what role you play and do everything you can to make those dreams a reality. Hope will fuel you along the way. Always follow your dreams, your heart and mind will follow

08/12/2024

Honey Crisp Air

How I miss a cool sunny afternoon

I long for the crisp air that 

cuts the lungs and the dry leaves

to trod on

Instead I face another day

of high humididty

and heat

That cause an imprint on every seat

So I wait inside where

the air is conditioned

Till the outdoor condition

matches my fruition

08/11/2024

Paths of Glory

Of the many Paths of Glory

few hold true

Stolen valor still comes with a rank and medal

Power can overshadow cowardice

Reputation oft triumphs over incompetence

However

Glory can be achieved though a relentless pursuit of justice

for the common man

who, despite the war and ugliness,

can still hear the songs of Humanity

P.S. Watched Paths of Glory by Kubrick with my dear Ginger Giant. It is fantastic. You can watch it here I am excited to start my final year of education next week. I hate this lack of personal progress. I need to move forward. I hate sitting still, waiting for the world to happen. I try to entertain myself and march forward but I am marching blind, but I can see the light. It is difficult for me to cope with the calm before the glorious storm. I am ready to batten the hatches and dodge the barrage of arrows. I want to fight. I don't like this too short break to do something meaningful. I want to fight.

To hear more about the song that ends the movie check out this link. Turns out its sang by Kubrick's future wife!

08/10/2024

Inverse Relation Between Wealth and Community

Although my material condition

has increased by two fold

I cannot help but feel   alone

Even when I am together

I feel

alone

I do not know what changed

maybe my increased independence

and selfishness

or maybe the season of my life

My inbetweenness

Time will tell

Hopefully soon

P.S. Happy Belated Birthday both Mr. Dodger and Mr. Bicycle

08/09/2024

Broken Engine

Light has become desaturated

through my eyes

The pistons once in motion

have remained idle too long

and have begun to rust

Soon, I hope, the sparks

will ignite my flames again

but for now I will keep

pushing in neutral

Till the station peaks over

the highway horizon

P.S. I want a 3D printer

08/08/2024

Chicken Fingers

In life there are those who like drumsticks

and those who like flats

Unfortunately chickens have an equal amount of each

So unless there's a 50/50 distribution of demand

these chickens will never meet supply

Someone otta make 4 legged or some butterfly look'n bird to figure this out

P.S. Life's not too exciting these days. Just managing these RAs. Hopefully things get more interesting once the semester starts.

08/07/2024

Audiophile

Shaking plastics oscillating with various sinusoidal voltage

cause a dance in my ear drums

It's called music

and I love it

It can add flavor to your melancholy

or make you feel like a king amongst men

And if you listen closely

you can hear the stories of lives

and maybe even learn something

across the airwaves that manifest meaning in your mind

08/06/2024

Quit talking to yourself

Calm your mind

Sweet child of mine

The sun will rise again

and your worries of today

will fade into yesterday

Lost to time that will never be

Again

Instead

Breathe

Take a few steps

and look at the Sky

Witness its Greatness

Bathe in its light

and reflect the energy

you want to being into the world

Just Be

08/05/2024

Reflection

A cold wintery finger pierces

through my rib cage and

fondles my heart

Wrapping the digit in and around each valve

to ensure its chill extends to each chamber

metickously bringing my ol' ticker

to a swan dive slumber

Now that the basement of Mazlows Pyramid

has been toyed with

the wisp asks a simple question

"What do you fear?"

I respond

"Cosmic Isolation"

The being slowly rewinds its finger

back into its amorphous body,

seemingly satisfied

at least for now

"Think harder next time and I'll finally let you be"

My heart flutters back to life with the echo of some African butterfly

08/04/2024

Personal Trinity

I am three

a Past, a Present, and a Future

My Past toils hard and plans for Future

Who sees the fruits, ripe or rotten, of the Past's labor

Present also works, in the NOW, to achieve Past's long term plans

Past gets most things right

Past works for Future

but Past never gets paid

All of Past's wages are deferred forward in time

Present thinks Future is a parasite

who feeds on Past and Present

However

Present knows that one day it will be Future

also

One day Future will be Past and will have to pay the bill

to Future

Present hear Past and talk to Future

but not the other way

Present thinks Future will solve all of Past's problems

At least Present hopes so

For now Present will slip into Past and Future to Present and Present to Past again

all adding to Past's Expanse

P.S. Had a nice conversation with my Kentucky residing friend. Turns out Hummingbirds cross the Gulf of Mexico?!?! That's crazy! I often find myself referring to myself in the 3rd person. I believe that I have multiple selves. At least a Past and Present. I guess I don't know if Future exists. My past self is a crusher. He always hooks Present up with a good foundation. I like Past and Present and am hopeful about Future's prospects. So if you hear me rambling in the 3rd person like a schizophrenic that's why. 'Cause I am three.

08/03/2024

Little Thingy

Not every day has to be a race

till some unending deadline

There are times when it is best to take your time

The world will still be there in the morn

08/02/2024

All of the King's Senses and all the King's men

You don't have to tell blue from black

nor white from gold

to be beautiful

You don't have to hear the difference

between a B flat and an A

to be beautiful

You don't have to feel

every nook and cranny

to be beautiful

You don't have to taste the rainbow

to be beautiful

No, you don't need to be able to smell

the difference between a Damask or an Alba

to be beautiful

No 

All you have to do

Is See, Hear, Touch, Taste, and Smell

will all the senses you have the best you can

to be beautiful

Look at the night sky with the same wonder as a child

Listen to the cacophony of city life and make it your symphony

Stomp on every bone dry pine cone

Stop to savor each wine-red grape

Inhale the sugar sweet Domino air

And you will be beautiful

08/01/2024

North Carolinian Piedmont Humidity

Wet air without a cause

There is no sea to admire and bring a breeze

Nor a riveer to row down

No our Jungler has no exotic fruit or fauna

It's just a muggy meadow

to punish us for some forgotten crime

Was it our explosion of the Natives?

The institution of Slavery?

Ongoing segregation?

No, I am sure it was humid back then

It seems our punishment

by vapor comes down to just

our own existence

All Hands Meeting

Once a week

put us all in a room

put your pictures on the sceen

put on your big boy pants

and orate your digital scroll

No way this could have come

across my computer instead

typed and in bulleted lists

No it must be live

as if you're Billy Joel

Spend my life and your dough

Just to fill my mind with

5 minutes of relevance scattered across an hour

I'll tow the line

P.S. How much training can a mind endure before you've already run the marathon?

07/31/2024

A thinly vailed metaphor I'll pass of as prose

A silence between two who used to 

chirp the songs of the day

has befallen the now divergent birds

One tweets at the other and receives

a half hearted hoot back

The parrot wonders

Is it worth it for the once friendly fliers

to whistle again, amicably

now that they share the same airspace

My nest is neat and I've caught every morning worm

but why welcome a breeze

Whether or not will be revealed in the wings of time

07/30/2024

Lazy

There is nothing worse than a sticky table

They cling onto your limps like a gumball

digging its claws into your woolen socks

Depriving an evening of classic American fun

07/29/2024

Saftey or Comfort

Am I comfortable or am I safe

I reckon comfort is subjective

and safety objective

When I walk down the street and

see a used needle

or a vagrant or two

I am comfortable

Are you?

I guess the level of safety is the same

Funny how that works

P.S. Listen to Michael by Killer Mike. Last line of this song was the inspiration of this poem 

Shortest Poem

I once heard that the shortest poem was

i

As it conveys meaning about identity

and self

But today I nominate

As the shortest poem as even in nothingness

one can find meaning

Does the cosmo's grandness and beauty

come from the starts

or the space between

I think it is both

yet the void is seldom appreciated

07/28/2024

Almost Forgot

I almost forgot and then I remembered

something out of the 21st night of September

I had a long day of trails of tribulations

but they did not stop my jubilation

So now I write this little song

It's a tad lazy but you can sing along

I almost forgot but I am still here

I always will, never fear

07/27/2024

the Other economy

Never pay in cash what you can

pay for in kindness

Allow yourself to help others

when needed and

when you are in need

they may help you

There exist two economies

one of dough

one of favor

Whereas money can appreciate in value

Good deeds depreciate as forgetfulness sets in

So spend it fast for it won't last

But remember to always keep a positive balance

P.S. Thank you for helping me move in that furniture today dear friends. I couldn't have done it with out you too. Hope you enjoyed Coco Bingo Bongo. 

07/26/2024

Forgotten Words

Although my memories may fade

some will still remember

my words

Like scratch and sniffs

filed en mass in other's minds

they are occasionally proded

for posterity or otherwise

Expiration dates still allow for the neural inscriptions

to ware away

but not uniformly on each soul

I just hope that my previous self doesn't

disagree with the me of today

at least not too much

P.S. One of the other Grad Assistants was on my residentent on my floor 2 years ago. Go figure

07/25/2024

Routine Open Heart Surgery

Every now and then

I take the time

to cut out my heart cavity

and perform an inspection

Unlocking the sternum and opening the latch

I pry out the old blood pumper

With nitrile gloves I place my satin heart

on a reflective, polished silver platter

so I can best see each angle with ease

The throbbing heart usually passes inspection without flaw

However

Sometimes

It's scars are inflamed

They twitch with less virbado than the springy ventricles

Too ease their pain I apply my special salve over the affected surface

If you are wondering it's

one part sorrow

two parts acceptance and

three parts baking soda

Once my wounds are healed

I spray some WD-40 on everything that moves

and go on with my merry life

07/24/2024

Minefield

Quiet are the populated streets

of the growing metropolises

At least to me

Other are unaffected by the hidden landmines

that lie waiting on each block and alleyway

I placed these bombs in waiting

long before and do not remember

where I left them

So when I wander the otherwise comfortable city

an unnerving aura looms over me

I know not when why legs will be blown off

Puddles

A drop of idyllic water

rests atop a hydrophobic glass plane

The Palace of Serenity resides behind a cohesive shield

Untouched

Until the sharp edge of a blade bisects the pool

Now where once stood one calm kingdom

Now lie two bubble each housing their own separate peace

No matter how many times the aquamarine sphere separates

No matter how many fractured nations form

One can push these isolated states together

And the power of adhesion can restore the completeness of your

peace of mind

Put me in a Box

Put me in a box and I'll call it home

Call me a solider and I'll crash my sword on my shield

Give me number that says I am smart and I'll design your bridges and doctor your people

Prescribe me as caring and I'll carry the world on my shoulders

In fact you look tired why don't you rest

...

Or

perhaps

You could call me a wimp and I'll shutter with each step

Say I'm not welcome and I'll turn my life backwards

Label me a fool and put on my dunce cap

Determine every attribute of my character and categorize me

My life all on a scale

Isn't it great to walk around with all these quotients!

City of Regret

Here I stand within a square mile of all my regrets

I hail to the shrine of my misfortunes

with fingers crossed behind my back

The past may have formed me

but

it is not me

07/23/2024

Beaver Ballz

The Beaver gnaws

on a once sturdy oak

Forming its stump to its own desired form

Slowly acting out the beasts

desired destiny

After the stagnant trunk

has had a crescent chunk carved out

the boral giant falls, felled

into a rapid

The beaver satisfied with its work

looks for the next lumber

The tree floating down the river

passively finds itself stuck

Damn

P.S. Dramatic evening of sorts. I was anticipating seeing someone who I previously fancied and approaching that situation with care or whatnot. What I didn't anticipate was seeing my Ex. This stuck me with some stress. Leaving me to mind my own business at my intended table. Do I wish I acted? Maybe. Am I satisfied that I didn't? Yes.

07/22/2024

Plastic Plants

It's all a big sham you know

It started with artificial snow

We all know it's not the same

yet we still use the name

that was once reserved for something natural

Now what do we do preserve?

Nature now defined by fences and lines

Why do we even have lines

Why do we pretend it's not all a farce

When we seclude life to a parse

I wish I was around to speak to the trees

Now I have to seek them far away

P.S. First day of GA training. Ran in the morning to Lake Raleigh. It's not really a lake more of a pond. Manmade too. Not the same beauty as the Atlantic. I hope my bitterness for my new relocations subsides soon.

07/21/2024

Consumerism

Put together your life

out of consumer plastics

and metals

All in different forms for

different functions

Go to the store

pick them out

return them if they don't work out

It's a barbie world

Pick your plastic

07/20/2024

Moving About

Always on the move

No time to stop

I only slow down when I see a cop

Otherwise I race towards the sunrise

Where my troubles disappear

and the promised land begins

P.S. Technically missed this day... eeek

07/19/2024

Work Ramblings

hello blue world it's me

the one with the hat

the one with the blue eyes

all facing the blue skies

Searing my vision with the suns rays

Its okay

I can already see what comes next

The future's already been written in stone

I found it walking through the woods

I actually stubbed my toe on it

But instead of jolting in pain

I looked down

I reached down

I picked up the rock

Held it in my hand

Felt its ridges of its past

It's cracks aligned with the folds of my palm

In this moment of unity I felt it

I felt free

I knew that me and the rock were one of the same

I placed the rock down

I laid down

I laid there for what seemed like eons

But was no more than a few minutes

In that time I found the meaning of time

Now that I've been blinded by the sun

Like some sort of Oedipus

I can truly see

I will keep on writing until I stop

When I look at the night sky I always hoped that there would be more stars

When I looked up at the night sky in the Judean desert I hoped that there would be more stars

But there weren't

I wanted to be dazzled by the grand cosmic myriad of light

There certainly were more stars but I craved more

But the universe didn't give me that truth

I am content with that

Beauty is not in quantity it is its own thing

No matter how hard I try I can't seem to remember what it was like to be in the womb

I would like to remember as I think it would've been interesting

To only know warmth

Now I know the seasons and light for that matter

Every moment fills my brain with more and more

You can't really go back

Unless you incur some injury 

But I rather avoid that

As I could lose something that I might want to remember

But my memory isn't so good anyways

I don't even remember my first kiss nor romanticizing

As in the specifics

I know that they happened

But its foreign to me

A blur

You think you can ramble like me

I doubt it 

Or maybe you can

Have you ever noticed how much double speak I do

Maybe you'd call it self-doubt

I feel pretty confident

But maybe I'm not

Okay well that one was on purpose because I thought it was funny

But regardless

I do tend to hold multiple beliefs on the same thing

ALL the time

For almost everything

Its not the best

However I still am decisive

I guess that's pretty amusing

How I can hold many thoughts but choose one

Thats pretty neat

Flow

Like water down the stream

it ebs

whatever that means

it runs over the rocks

that try to stop its momentum

why do the rocks do so?

Do they hate the water

do they know something we don't?

Maybe they are trying to keep the water up high for they fear it may run dry

When all the water comes down from the mountain

Do they know about rain?

Transpiration and such

I don't think the rocks know

So they try to hold on as hard and fast as they can

before all the water runs away

Unless

on that little stone

where the Lorax once stood

Reminds me of Elie Wiesel

and its thoughts on indifference

how its the opposite of love

Indifference is the greatest evil

When we stop caring we stop being Human

and when we stop being Human

we stop treating others and the world around us

like they are holy

When I think of the world we live in

I am filled with Awe

its a shame that so many feel like we are enemies of each other

I want to be on the same team as everyone and I want everyone to see that too

But I guess if we are all unified in thought then we'll lose our individual beauty

For shame

I wish there was another way

World Wide Web is amazing Alliteration

Whoever came up with that deserves a gold star

Same with the LASER guy, great acronym

Unicorns without horns exist

We call them horses

YellowolloY

Thinking is a drag

show

see what I did there

cause I don't

Not sure if thinking is like a drag show

I've never been to one

But I think it could be a good time

Train of thought 

Train of grain

Barrelling down the track

Bringing mana to the people with glittering eyes

They hunger for they want to live

which is only natural

except for one

The One doesn't hunger

Not because they are nourished by calories

But because they are nourished by hope

07/18/2024

Goodbye Baltimore

When you've built walls this high

it's not so hard to say goodbye

We say hello just as often

why should it been any different

Everything has a first and last

Only with a goodbye there's

Hope

That you may meet again

You can't meet someone before you have

So I don't see what's so bad

about goodbye

...

Except when someone one dies

Then you should cry

and remember

07/17/2024

Visionary

Sure you can plug your ears

and pinch your nose

but no sense is easier to shutter

than the eye

Eyelids protect our portals from

dust and debris

but also

the horrors of our own creation

We may be forced to feel and hear

the screams and torment

But at least we don't have to watch

P.S. Did intern presentation. Went well

07/16/2024

Pocket Computer

When video killed the radio star

we didn't know it would kill

journalism too

nor literature

nor truth for that matter

nor nature

No we did not know how long its claws unfurled

from its technicolour paws

Now we know

But its too late

We've brought this stray into our house and we call it our own

Myopic eyes now made for microLED

Send those Mb right on through

Fast food entertainment

Oh it tastes sooo good

P.S. Used to think the Buggles was pronounced Bug-les not like the horn like BUG Les. Like Bzzz goes the bee

07/15/2024

War

Pop

goes the gunshot

Bang

goes the bomb

Whistle

goes the missle

I don't care

Fight your fight

cause mass plight

I'll still be here

after its all gone

I'll build it back

I am strong

Ruin my Peace, Our Peace

See who laughs

I will not go quietly into the night

P.S. Forgot to post this yesterday

07/14/2024

Ginkgo Biloba

Jurassic leaves still fall on fresh earth

surviving atomic bombs and ice ages

Now reclaiming its old home worldwide

Green fans turn gold and fall

fluttering with the wind

into my lapel

This living fossil branches

across evolutionary history

allowing us to enjoy what once was

After I am long gone I know

somewhere, somehow a

Ginkgo will survive

P.S. This one ain't too good. I love Ginkgo trees. Will have to come back to this idea. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ginkgo_biloba 

07/13/2024

Hello Again

Step into my world

Let me show you around

Where the sea meets the sky

with orange all around

Watch my birds soar and dive

from yard to nest

Don't you think you should rest?

Stick around it ain't so bad

Take a seat, eat some meat

Let me recline that chair

No?

You have to go?

I guess I am back in paradise

Alone again

P.S. Went to Poe's grave, the B&O, Ruth's brith house, and an O's game. Great day

07/12/2024

Do

Here's to the doers

who wake up every day

and choose to act

or dance or sing

or whatever their heart may bring

No harm to those idle wheels

I rather roll

Down the hill

to build momentum

to go up the mountain

Always choose to do

P.S. Poem from a friend:

She's flat in the front and back

Call that bitch a palindrome

If she don't fuck with me and Helsie

Send that hoe back to her home

P.P.S. Found my PEN!!!

07/11/2024

On Murder

What's so bad about being murdered

I think it's a fine way to go

Only kinda death I know that comes with

Justice

There's none when you fall

and break your neck

Nor when consumption draws your last breath

Your heart isn't put on trial for calling the quits

To be murdered is to die for a purpose

...

not your own

But at least there's a reason

P.S. Can't find my silver pen. Hope it's at work...

07/10/2024

Što platimo u krv ne platimo uzalud 

Look at the world for what it is

not what it was

Nothing separates an albino pigeon

from a dove

Except

You

created the Universe

Reality starts and stops

when you toggle your eyes

Such power, much waste

Never pay in blood

for that done in vain

No one will be disappointed

Except

You

07/09/2024

100 Day

100 days, 100 lives

Each spent treating the rise like a surprise

Fighting the dying of the light each night

Seeing, hearing, touching, smelling

the world around me

Loving, Crying, Smiling

at those around me

Feeling, Thinking

about what makes me

All anew

To become my own savior

I may not have it figured out

or even a clue

But I sure as hell know what to do

LIVE

Pick the berry off the bush

Taste its glory

Savor it

Survive

100 days gone, here's to a 100 more

If life's a bitch

then I'm a whore

P.S. These last 100 days have been wonderful. I have laughed. I have cried. I have woken up each day and tried. To become what I know I am. I traveled to my homeland, twice. Once to Charlotte, once to Israel. I have turned my tassle and earned my degree. I have moved to a new City and made it my own. I have tried to let someone see that I am worthy of love... failed, but got up the next day. I have sucked the marrow out of every opportunity that came my way. I got a new job and interned in the industry of my dreams. I have climbed and backpacked. Biked the hardest ride of my life. I have done everything I needed to do. I have supported my mother as much as I can and wish I could do more. I am finding peace. Peace out

P.P.S. 100 days of writing poems. FYI

07/08/2024

Self Proclaimed Greatest City in America

Scattered above the broken glass

that brings the nights stars to the sprawing streets

Pieces of steel and concrete stand tall

like trees of pine

Their varied forms

broken by a large bowl

emitting a constant wave of violet

On the horizon lies a black sea

harboring ships of sugar

nestled below the stylized faux neon

It is easy to get lost

looking at the city that reads

P.S. Yesterday I learned that my father was moving. It may be to Ohio or somewhere else in NC. This brings me some worry as I am unsure why he is moving. Knowing him I could be due to a lack of funds. I hope it is to seek family and peace, but I sadly doubt this. I also fear that my sister will be left alone in Charlotte with no family. This dynamic is of thier own creation so I do not pity their posturing but I do wish them the best. I hope they can both find peace with the past and look forward to tommorrow with fresh eyes. I do not know when the day will come but I hope I could call them family again one day. I am doubtful that this day will come soon. My father still drinks and hates. My sister still hates and fears. My world can look so broken from the outside but that is only if you don't read between the lines. Dispite my family fracturing, despite being kicked out of the house, despite my mother's cancer I am still here and I want to LIVE. It is best to live in spite of your shortcomings and lot let them define you. You are defined by how you react to life barrage of arrows. Some shield and shelter. I walk right through.

P.P.S. I love the colour pink

P.P.P.S. Whether or not my father and sister are in my life or not is up to me. I have to decide if my peace of mind is worth more then extending myself to them. I have always chosen my peace of mind and I don't think I'll change my mind.

07/07/2024

20" Direct Drive

The Baltimore Sun radiates

leading most to shelter from the Heat

but those fateful few

who musted the fortitude

by choice or misfortune

got an amusing view

A unicycle swerving into the pink and blue

Don't watch the Sunset

Chase it

Pinball's Plight

Pull the plunger. 

Pling! the pinball ricochets around THE MACHINE

where it goes it does not know

It's fate is shaped by forces of nature

and man

both external to its trajectory

Still the ball rolls

and dances throughout its brief run in the artificial suns

The ball's life could lead to a high score

or may only last seconds

regardless each one costs 25¢

The ball doesn't care

Still the ball rolls

Don't worry

just roll

P.S. Anyone think they could help me with some DNS settings for this google site. I rather not use a redirect from www.helloblueworld.com to this page. I want the actual domain to be the site ya know?? To dos in Baltimore: Edgar Allen Poe's grave. American Visual Art Museum. O's Game

07/06/2024

What remains?

Long after the last human remains

and deposits their remains

to the soil

Humanity will still remain

Our bombs shape the landscape

Our pollution the sky

Litter our our oceans

Even seen from an interplanetary eye

What remains of the natural world?

Virgin to humanities unasked touch

Its all natural

We lost our tail

07/05/2024

Dolly Sogs

Swamp feet

Wet clothes

Pesky moths

Knotted Nylon

What a time to be alive

Wonderful is the world

where fish learned to walk

and chimps learned to talk

P.S. Backpacked Dolly Sods. Turns out 505 isn't an area code. It's a hotel room.

07/04/2024

Hunger

Hunger that usually guides me ran dry

Am I content?

Is this that shrouded happiness I long for?

Or an interlude?

A tweener of an expected end and a comfortable beginning?

I do not know

But I am full

P.S. Saw the fireworks and drone show in the Inner Harbor. They had an orchestra. It was amazing.

07/03/2024

Rule of Law or TRUMP v. UNITED STATES

Tides of Crimson and Azure soiled the black powder

of what was the arsenal of American Democracy

Our chistling to form a more perfect union

looks far from antiquity's ideals

The hammer kept beating till the foundation cracked

and cracked

Now our David tremors before Goliath

Welcome to America where anyone can be a King

Bona Fide

P.S. Sure seems like the institutions that we were barley holding onto are slipping though our fingers. It fills me with fear and disappointment. I can't hope but feel that our Founding Fathers would look upon much of the recent American politicking with disgust. I look at them with disgust. We've let execetuive power swell and now we will soon find out how stong our pillars stand. Will this be the death of the land I was born, raised, and love? I hope not. But it seems like the decline is surly making it's mark.

07/02/2024

Thought while running

Ain't nobody going to break my stride

Can't stop me unless I let you inside

A riddle

The two penguins in their canoe

look around their desert

They ask themselves

"Why do we paddle in the sand?"

The desert replies

"Because you can"

The penguins ask

"How can the desert speak?"

The desert replies

"Because I can"

P.S. Good day at work. Had a nice run and a nice climb.  

07/01/2024

Good Mood

It's a lot more fun

to laugh at your failures

and cry at your triumphs

Life's Bohmian motion

will rock you around

The ship charts its course

without a course

Every sunrise over the sea can be seen falling

on some west facing lake

Soak it in. Roll Along.

P.S. Had a good day ya know. Climbed with a new friend who may let me tour the distillery he works at. Pretty cool eh. Also talked to my friend in Kentucky which was real nice. Hasta la visTA.

06/30/2024

Thoughts on Walk

Sometimes I  feel  so lonely

But so free

It's solem undertones

leave a bitter taste

Oh how the Heavens can fill me with awe

The Sun's rays just so obscured by a flock of cloud

Peeking through touching all that I can see

Advice

You come to me asking if you should

Love today knowing it will hurt tomorrow

I tell you to follow your heart because that is what I have always done

You agree but you came to me knowing my answer

And my answer is not wise

It's just all I know

I Love with all I can

I do not regret

But I do hurt

Godspeed my friend

P.S. It's always an honor to have someone seek your advice. I sure do miss my friends and my idealized past.

06/29/2024

Nature

In the Universe there is only One

It exploded and birthed a sun

A blue rock followed our Sun

From some chemicals came two

Cells learned to swim and walk on two

Along the way one gave birth to me

I learned to think, trying to be me

At times I would fall in Love

I would lose myself in pursuit of love

Some things aren't meant to be

Now I know what it is to be

To accept the world for what it is

Beautiful is what it is

In the Universe there is only One

P.S. I would like to incorporate the idea of reconverging singularities but I am not sure if that is evident in the poem. Kinda a stretch. I should go back and rewrite some of these poems sometime. This poem is inspired by Jericho Brown's Poem Duplex. If you enjoy life you should check it out https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/152729/duplex

06/28/2024

Baltimore Bike Party

Thousands of wheels

Half as many souls

Roaming through the streets

Avoiding all the tolls

Some to booze

Other to cruise

Trying to shake the weekday blues

Don't be tardy

to the Baltimore Bike Party

P.S. Excited to go to Critical Mass in Raleigh

06/27/2024

Free Will?

These words have always been written

The universe commands so

Each action its reaction

...

little randomness permutates throughout

It's not so simple-

-their effects are unknown on my deterministic flesh,

certainly out of my control

Who puts on the show of tiny dancers?

Some field? Creator of the Universe? Soul?

That answer sealed in a described future foreign to me

I'd like to know the answer

But I do not Think I Will

P.S. So I think I've condensed my argument against free will here pretty well. For reference on whether or not quantum mechanics play a role in biological systems: https://cs.uwaterloo.ca/~cdimarco/pdf/cogsci600/5_Davies.pdf
Other Recommended Readings:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleological_argument
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laplace%27s_demon  (This one is awfully important)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Determinism#Varieties

06/26/2024

Goodbye Brave New World

deafening clatter of seamstresses

rhythmic clanging of hammer on rail spike

haunting howl of steam train whistle

crackling embers of furnace

heartbeat of industry

only heard in Echos

Human's need not apply

06/25/2024

Fly High Douglas

The green bear that sat under my chair

will no longer protect my derier

When I left for my ride and looked to my side

I could not find the Bonnie to my Clyde

The rubber duck said no luck

He did not see who did the pluck

Weather by weather, now all that stands, is the lonely pair of string strand

06/24/2024

Playing with Form

I

am

not

here

where

shadow

devours

sunlight

Instead

living

below

fire

fly

oh

I

06/23/2024

Hauntings of the Cardioid Gambler

Our beloved Cardioid Gambler

stuck up by bookies of bygone eras

who use the Ludovico Technique to replay

what could have been

with the same rhythm and precision

as an ol' pattern lathe

Etching grooves on his polyvinyl mind

When will the Sun shine?

Ought he hang up his fuzzy dice?

Should've quit when ahead...

before starting to play the game

Baltimore Museum of Industry

Land is always in flux

The sod that I trod

used to birth sealed cans

of oysters and ash

now it houses rows

Fires flattened

Ships battened

Trawler trapped

Workers smacked

Like a train passing along the B&O

the landscapes fly by

Goodbye old

Hello Today

06/22/2024
Heat Rays

Where's the dimmer switch on the Sun?

Are you trying to make fries out of everyone?

Not crispy one's either

thanks to that bastard airborn water

coming from the harbor

I hope you get something out of this because

I didn't start the fire

P.S. Lazed around today. But I did go climbing with my coworker and friend at the Timonium gym. It was cool. Grungy. Made you feel like your were someone special. Made me sneeze. Then I went to Home Depot, the grocery store and slept. Only after eating an unhealthy amount of candy that would make an average trick or treater discussed. Watched the end of a show that due to typical hollywood shenanigans is no longer made by its original author. Its not as good. For shame.

06/21/2024

Gotta Go

Drink that gasoline

Swallow that match

It's time to GO!

Yesterday was for going slow

Now it's time to go fast

Spin those wheels

Paint the pavement

Doesn't matter where

just when

NOW!

P.S. Climbed, got dinner, and biked with one of my new friends. Life is good. I appreciate all of my new friends who have shown me around the city. You all are imbued with life and it is amazing. 

06/20/2024

Charm City

The black bird flies

over a bridge that was

and is met by intoxicating sugary air

and the skyline of a city

As our feathered friend

weaves though the urine scented street

it finds pause on top of cathedrals and monuments

From its perch, it drops a deuce

on old Washington's proud nose

and admires those nameless faces walking by

Further North it hears the splashing of pool water

and a gentle purr of a lion

Settling sail into the rolling hills of the county

a glass gaze comes across the Raven's eye

Spelling out these words

That city has Charm

P.S. I quite like it here in Baltimore. I think there is a future where I could find myself living here. I think I could find some happiness in this metropolis. That being said I think I could be happy anywhere cause I sure know I don't like being sad. That's all folks. Good night. 

06/19/2024

Flakes

You want some milk you flakes

I am a bear down stream of salmon

Ready to feast

Not on flesh

but of anger

Whatever

Waste my time

I'll be fine

I won't look back when I walk into the sunset

06/18/2024

First Thoughts of my Day

Even though all I touch

seems to wither away

my pleasant past ever falling away

I know I will still find a way

A way to turn my

hands of dust to those of Midas

A way to forge a blinding path for my future

When now will feel far away-

The slender fox crashes into the hens house and finds a golden egg

1 is the loneliest #

Paint colour into my gray world and tell me that it's fine

Take my heart out of my chest even though its mine

Spin miraculous lies about whats that could be

Cradle my head in the nook of your shoulder and ask what I see

Walk around my mind and let me around yours

Knock into me as I cook just to sprinkle your hors d'oeuvres

Hello blue world

It's just me

Dreaming of a future for my weeping willow tree

It has weather the storms and the years

And is now just waiting for someone to shade under its canopy

P.S. A bit melancholy today ya dig. Ask my about my willow tree, its a cute story. Always remember to burn at both ends, it's quicker that way.

P.S.S. When I was climbing at Seneca Rocks my new friend noted that I must be getting better at poetry since I've been doing it awhile. I had never thought of actually improving. I just kinda do this for myself ya know. I am curious if I actually have gotten better. I am sure I've made some incremental improvements. They have definitely gotten easier to write. Let me know what you think if ya want to ya diggggggggggggg.

06/17/2024

the Truth will set you Free

You've got mail

open it up without fail

tucked inside knowledge resides

that will change your winds and tides

One moment mental captivity

the next you're free...

alone in a field stands a tree

listening to the wind spin its final whispers of a troubled past

Sturdy is the Oak

and Sturdy is I

No chainsaw could turn me two-ply

I hold my branches high and reach for the sky as I prance into today!

P.S. Sorry for the 2 day gap was in West Virginia without any computer access, but I assure you I did write. Went climbing at Seneca Rocks with two new friends. Followed some Trad Multipitch. That shit was terrifying. Definitely that type 2 kinda fun. Today I learned that my friend is now dating a previous interest of mine. This news is wonderful. I think the guy is great and more importantly my mind is free from having to think about that shit anymore. Liberty baby. It wasn't holding me back from doing what I want to do but it did chew a the far reaches of my mind. I now look back at my failed romance with amusement with my past self and a reflection of where I went wrong. Not that I really regrete a thing but I am slowy learning that it isn't worth my time to invest in someone in the way that I was if thehy do not feel the same way about you. Ya know. A friend of mine said this of me once. Jacob you let people take advantage of your kindness. This of course being in relation to my many failed relations in which I gave my all to something that wasn't there. I both agree and disagree with this claim. I certainly have given people that I have been interested in too much of my time, thought, and attention. And they allowed me to. They, just like me, and just like most people on this pale blue world, like attention. I would give them attention and in return I'd get some attention back. But the wavelengths and frequency of this attention was often one sided. I would act out of intrigue and attraction whereas they would beam friendship??? Honestly I still can't wrap my head around some of the stuff other people have done. I find it hard to believe that some of the thing people did with me came out of a place of pure friendship and caring. Maybe I am being self-centered but some of the stuff people have done has been too much. These people also invested considerable amount of time into me. Some of the best gifts I have ever received have come from these people. It is fucking strange. I know I feel like I am not worth a dang cent and people caring about me freaks me out but its crazy right? Let me think. I had a thought... Oh yeah. I am pretty terrible at recieving kindness. It comes from a place of not thinking I deserve it. Which I am sure roots back to something from my childhood but is reenforced by my current belief system too. I come from nothing and in the end I will return to nothing, so why should I be given something in between that I haven't worked for. Well I think thats all she wrote for today. Best of luck to that new couple I hope all your dreams come true. I care about both of you and want the best for each of you.

06/16/2024

Following a Pleasant O

On the side of the mountain

I wished I could fly

for I feared I'd fall

If I were under the sea

I'm sure I'd wish I were a fish

But who do I wish to be 

tomorrow

06/15/2024

West Virginia

Atop the hill sit

a coal plant and a wind mill

each pumping out power

for all the mouths to feed

Some spit acid others-

a cool breeze

06/14/2024

The Tiger

Trapped in cages

put on states

the Tiger bears its fangs

It's stripes, a fallen silhouette

from the steel bars

We ooh we aah

as it unhinges its Jaw

But the Tiger does not know

its life is all for show

Set it free

Let it be

But where in this

concrete Jungle

Put 'em on a box of cereal and all the kids will smile

Forget about its pain

It's here to entertain

P.S. Went to the National Aquarium with some of the Interns. They had dolphins...

06/13/2024

Dehydration

Oh I am dying of thirst

yet I am covered by water

ejected to keep me cool

I've gotta keep my cool

All I can see is oasis

though the black pools of sight

Another step

I can carry myself

my footprints in the sand vanish

Am I flying or dying

Splash

the water down my gullet

I AM ALIVE

P.S. First bike ride in Baltimore. Holy shit that was hard. I am going to sleep as if I were on a flock of sheep.

06/12/2024

Corporate Minion

Twiddle dee twiddle dumb

I work all day till I'm done

All in hopes of the next rising sun

Yoodle le he yoodle li high

How I love the azur of the sky

I hope it lasts long after I die

Zippity smmach zippity clap

Life inside is such a trap

all it's good for is a nap

Pibbity nee pibbity night

Another day another fight

till tommorows next sights

Bippity Boppity Boo!

P.S. 3rd Place in Trivia and beat the lowly 3 full time Key Techers!!

06/11/2024

Text to Speech

We only speak so many words into this world

From each varying variety and quantity

Some burrowing deep into another's think box

Others ricochet into the empty well well well...

Welcome the utterances both vile and pure

for they could be the last

the Story is the heart of humanity

P.S. The world's indifference is both bothersome and liberating. I wish I could figure out what side of that coin I sit on. My short time here in Baltimore is both sides of this coin. I could do whatever I want here, no consequences. But would I be true to myself. I both want to go back to Raleigh where I know I can be at a semblance of home, but I also am enjoying my candid jaunting. Am I making the most of each day? Or am I just letting the world go by? I am making new friends but there is an ere of brevity about it because soon I will go. Go away from this place back to my cocoon. To live out my Peter Pan lifestyle one more year before the grating weight of the world gets to wrap its cruel fingers about my flesh with no reprieve. I do miss my friends. A lot and a little. I think I am just afraid. Of what I can't exactly say. Maybe dying alone to be honest. I don't know how I managed to trick someone into finding fancy in me before. Ehhh I'm just being dramatic. I have plenty of love to give. I heard something today on love that I'd like to share. "To love someone is to want better for someone else than they see in themselves" I like this notion of love. I am such a goofball. It's always love with me ain't it. Love this love that. Get a grip kid. Typing is pretty fun you know. I could do this all day. Ooh its 10:26. Real ones will know why that is interesting. Hmmmmm... But yeah, Baltimore is a land of opportunity for me which is kinda frightening. I am filled with overflowing freedom but am limited by my time here. But I can take this freedom with me anywhere I go you know. I need to get better at being a stranger to myself AND my environment.

06/10/2024

Fire on the Mind

I want to burn bridges

really just one

and if I do nothing it's already done

But in my mind there is a smidge

that knows I'm afraid

of my self imposed past

those regrets won't last

light will guide me to the glade

Remember, it's better to burn bright than burn down

P.S. I finally won my war against the laundry

06/09/2024

I-95

There is a simple beauty

in shooting the shit with your friends

It's effortless laughters strike 

the Heart's natural frequencies

and remind you that

the World ain't so bad after all

P.S. To all those who have called me their friend. Past, present, and future. Thanks for the easy breezes.

06/08/2024

Quarterlife Crisis

When do you become too aged to be considered an old soul?

and

How many years do you need to be young at heart?

I'd like to think that there's a week or so in there where you can be both

Truth in a happy medium

These days I'm rare

One day I'll be well done

Till then I'll soak up the Sun

P.S. Today I drove from Baltimore to Commack. It was nice. Felt that good ol' American freedom driving up I-95 on that bastard NJ Turnpike. These days I don't reckon anyone reads these daily entries anymore. Which I think is equal parts liberating and solem.

06/07/2024

The Spider and His Web

Bzzz

Splat

The fly finds himself stuck

on an interconnected fibrous highway

looking around he sees other

victims of the ploy

But is it a trap?

The spider comes down the interconnected tapistry and speaks to the fly

Fear not for I am not here to feast

Instead I am here to show you my web

These captees are my friends

and now they are yours

Share in my web

The fly realizes his shackles are loose and that he is free

Though his hexacomb eyes the fly gazes upon the spider and the other insects

Lost and now found the fly joins the spider

Not all spiders bite

Not all nets capture

P.S. I am thankful for the kind spiders in my life that pull me into their social webs and make me feel welcome and at ease. I think this is a new beginning full of hope and dreams.

06/06/2024

Seedling

Placed in foreign soil

the seed cracks its hard shell

small fibrous tendrils poke out

In all directions

Where the dirt is sweet the sprouts surge

Thirsty for attention and meaning

Although the seedling is fresh

One must look upon it optimistically

P.S. Sometimes I think people think I am crazy for not drinking coffee and caffeine and shit. Or only eating 2 meals a day. Like I am a criminal or something. Stop listening to BIG BREAKFAST and live your own life in peace and I'll live mine fine.

06/05/2024

The Devine Timesheet

The Universe keeps

an invisible ledger

tracking every moment of your day

every action and reaction

inscribed on space's waxy tablets

Each determined whether or not

they are billable to the client

I sure hope I don't have to use any PTO

P.S. Played trivia with the Interns today at Mother's in Fed Hill. Remember that in wine there is truth. Also tracking time is so lame. Why can't I just live ya know. And who would the universes client be anyways. I think Vonnegut would write "The creator of the universe" for his catch all name for a diety. I like that one. I guess that is the client. Some deity watching and hopefully laughing at the world they created. Not to get all atheist on ya but I challenge you the divine reader to give any evidence that the Universe was created by one deity, not multiple. That's a challenge for the ages. Best of luck for those who dare. XOXO Gossip Girl

06/04/2024

Whose Hands are These?

Close your eyes

Reach out for my feathery hand

Realize its solid, not phantom

Clasp around, feel the warm blood

Each digit a series of highs separated by lows

Tap the springy veins and bounce

Glide your fingers along its palmy lines

Play each finger tip like a hi-hat

Brush against every callus and scar

Now open your eyes

I'm not there

But you are

P.S. Decided to chill out today. Was going to climb but the person I was going to go with fell through. That's fine. I needed to rest. 2 of my closest friends called me today. That made me feel worthy. I'm off to go listen to music with my eyes closed. Try it some time. Bye now. Also if someone wants to remind me to buy helloblueworld.com in like a month that'd be great. 

06/03/2024

I didn't realize until today how much I feared

I awoke on an Island

So mystified by my isolation

that I forgot to look around

at the logs and the breeze

the sight brought me to my knees

I look again and now I find

so many lost souls just like mine

You can never be alone in loneliness

because someone is always alone

Hello Blue World

It's Me

P.S. Today was my first day of work. I unfortunatly woke up at 3AM today thanks to lovely Jet Lag. This morning I went on my first summer daily run. It was nice. Work was nice too. I can't really say what I do but I can say I do something like this. In a cruel twist of fate two of my coworkers share a name that I'd rather not think about. Maybe it'll deprogram me like whatever the name of the test that doctor did on dogs to make them salivate by ringing a bell. I went to the rock wall today and only cycled. I was too much of a coward to ask a stranger for a belay. I found myself very afraid today. My stint here in Baltimore is the first time that I've been plopped down in a new place with no connections. If you know me you probably think I am a pretty social person. I often joke that I am haunted by knowing someone everywhere I go. Not anymore. Now I look at the crowds of people and see no familiarity. But I still see what I see in every eye. Humanity. But, regardless, I am currently alone. It's scary. What if I don't make any friends. What if I never am able to connect with people like I have in the past? Are the relationships that I formed before the strongest that I will ever have? Why was I so knowingly reckless with them? This fear is opening the door for regret. But let's close that door. This new Island I sit on is unexplored. Who knows what treasures I might find. All I have to do is look. See you all on the other side of this pirate adventure of mine. I'll rejoin you when I return to mainland and hopefully with a new jolly crew. Godspeed

06/02/2024

Universe's Cruel Games

Fuck cancer

Even if cancer was the cutest dog with the most sincere doe eyes

I would not hesitate throwing it head first into a blender

Fuck cancer

P.S. Went grocery shopping today. I walked there which was nice. Everything is close. I then went on a run and saw where a bridge once stood. Cooked my meals for the week. Went to a rock climbing gym. Got a belay and a lead certification. Made a friend.

06/01/2024

Rest

For 40 years did the Israelites wander before they found

Rest

I now find myself at such an impasse

Rest

differs from sleep in a key way

it is a reprieve before the remaining wrath of the day

A break before the fight

till you drift off in the night

P.S. Today I drove from NY to MD today and moved into my summer housing in Baltimore. I went on a small bike ride to a local bike shop and asked about the bike scene in the area. Seems like most of the cycling takes place North of the city. I then biked to where my future employment will be. It's very close. I meant to do more today but the merchants of sleep bested me. The dog here is very friendly. I had some great NY bagels. Feel free to ask me about my journey. I am so tired. Jetlagged. לילה טוב which is goodnight in Hebrew and sounds incredibly restful on the tounge. Ask me to say it to you if you'd like. Goodnight for real now. 

05/31/2024

Sleep Deprivation

I am so tired

the world past me by

Goodnight blue sky

P.S. This post script and all from 5/20 till now were done retroactilvly since I didn't bring my computuer to Israel.

P.P.S. Today was my first day back in the lands of stars and bars. Slept all day fighting jet lag and illness. The food in NY is so much better than in NC.

05/30/2024

Ode to the Vocal Arts

Every soul has a song  to sing

A melody  and  chorus for each moment

Sofly  or  loud

Add your tune to the global choir

Harmonize

P.S. Flew home from Israel. I had one of the most memorable flights of my life. I nearly passed out on the 12 hour plane ride. I collapsed as I was trying to get water. I tried to throw up a few times to no avail. The ex-lawyer who sat next to me on the flight waited till I was nursed back to health. He was incredibly kind. As was the Israeli passenger who assisted the flight staff after I hit the deck. In addition to her kindness, she was beautiful. Earlier in the day I visited the port city of Jaffa(pronounced Yaffo in Hebrew, which is my preferred). I remember learning about the port when I studied Hebrew. If I remember correctly it is the oldest still operating port in the world. Oh this poem was about how I like to sing. Alone or with a friend. Nothing crazy. I miss singing with friends.

05/29/2024

Carousel

One of my favorite rides on the

Circus of life

is the

Carousel

With each rider only coming into view

Momentarily

Triumphantly or Tragically

Till we meet again

P.S. Final meeting with fellow birthrighters. I will miss them. In life you only get to see a sliver of others existance and you base their whole character around those expereinces. You don't get the continum of conciousness that you expereience yourself. Others lives are just a Flash. Unless, I guess you're in a long term relationship.

05/28/2024

Nova

I do not know all their stories

But I do know that they were dancing

Until they were not

Nova

----------------------------------

Their music and jubilation

turned to death and annihilation

Nova

Silence broken by artillery

Nova

An end and beginning

Nova

P.S. I spent most of the day a few kilometers from Gaza. I heard artillery throughout the day. In the past I would have also heard sirens denoting inbound missiles. Disarmament. I learned the stories of the Nova Festival and visited the site of the fallen and kidnapped. I learned the story of Serdot. I learned the story of a local village. Somehow all of these people wake up in the morning and choose to start their day. Resilience.

05/27/2024

Masada

A crimson oasis formed

atop the siged city on the hill

Answering the question

Is it nobler to kill or spill

The blood of kin and commit a sin

But to die on your own terms

Denying the glory of taking

your lives and raping your wives

and the children a live of slavery

Either outcome would have

spawned a sanguine spring

But one was done and I'd do the same

P.S. Hiked Masada today

05/26/2024

A Dream

Last night I had a dream

where I looked back

There I saw a false future

of my own twisted design

Fear

For my future

Regret

From my past

Who am I?

In the present

Alone? Lost? Hopeful?

I am a paper boat meandering המים

Mt. Herzl

As I look into the Israeli eyes

I am pierced with only a 

fraction of solemn burden

Under this pressure I am

brought to tears

Tears that they held back

Tears of a nation

Tears of Hope

Fresh graves, forever seared

Soldier

To soldier is to look at death

and choose duty

P.S. This was probably one of the most emotionally intense days of my life. In Jerusalem. Went to the Holocaust Museum and Mt. Herzl.

05/25/2024

Same Hands

The same hands that  carved

the first hand axes

are the same hands that

first molded clay into pots

Are the same hands that wrote

the first words

Are the same hands that

slain others with a sword

Are the same hands that painted

art into existence

Are the same hands that penned

humanities greatest stories

Are the same hands that helped

deliver children

Are the same hands that stole from 

the vulnerable

Are the same hands that fueled

the coal generators

Are the same hands that pilot

the planes

Are the same hands that pushed

the buttons to drop the bomb

Are the same hands that touched the moon...

Are the same hands as mine

P.S. Went to the Israel National Museum. Say the oldest man made things I've ever seen.

05/24/2024